Remembering
by PteraWaters
Summary: After Angel loses his memory, Spike has to hold things together and figure out how to get his boyfriend back. Post series, some comics references. Spike/Angel/Buffy
1. The Injury

**A/N:** _This is a story that will happen much later in the after-verse that I'm working on for Angel and Buffy, so it will have continuity with my upcoming stories starting at "A Different Hole in the World" under the Angel section. However, I really like this one and it works pretty well as a stand-alone, so I decided to post it early. It's fairly self-explanatory over the complete story, but I will be updating in one chapter-per-day increments, for fifteen short chapters. I hope you enjoy!_

Chapter 1 – The Injury

I found Angel as he was regaining consciousness, rolling onto his stomach to push himself up. A huge gash across his forehead evoked a disturbing mixture of worried empathy and arousal in me. I decided the situation called more for the empathy bit. I caught him in my arms as he stumbled.

"Whoa there, big guy," I muttered. "The baddies are dead, luv. Why don't you sit back down, let me take a look at that wound?"

"Uh?" he asked, the look of confusion on his face more severe than usual, but he let me sit him on a low table. I hoped the great ponce wasn't too heavy for the rickety piece of furniture. Wouldn't want a sliver of wood to go the wrong way. One of his hands drifted up to touch the injury, but I batted it away.

"Uh, uh, Peaches. You don't need to know how bad this is. Just let me clean it out, yeah? Then you'll heal up all bright and shiny new."

"Okay?" Angel said, looking up into my eyes for the first time. He looked so lost, so despondent that I couldn't help but draw him into my arms. I squeezed him and he seemed oddly stiff, not returning the hug like he usually does. He must've been more injured than I thought. As I pulled back, I ran a hand over his cheek and leaned in to kiss him.

"Hey!" he yelled, scrambling backwards on his hands. "Get off me, you deviant!"

"Well, fuck you too, Angel!" I stood up, fuming. "What's wrong with you? Did that bash in the head knock loose the last straw holding together that mush you call a brain?"

Angel stood up, his teeth clenched and eyes fiery. "I'm not the one molesting and insulting perfect strangers, now am I?"

"Strangers?" He really had blown a gasket. "You don't remember me, pet?"

"Don't call me that!"

"What? 'Pet'?"

"Pet, love, peaches, angel. None of them. It's just _sick_."

Briefly I wondered if a punch in the mouth would rattle things loose. "What would you have me call you then?" My heart sank and my throat closed in dread. We were supposed to be done with all this bullshit, "Angelus?"

"What? No?" He didn't recognize that name either! And I could still feel the soul burning in his chest. Angel opened his mouth to speak again, drawing breath, but he didn't finish the action. "Why can't I remember my name?"

"It's probably that nasty gash on your head, mate. You don't remember me either."

"Should I?"

I scoffed. "You've known me for a long time, Angel. Plus," I grinned, "we've been sleeping together for over a year."

"Fuck you," he spat, turning from me and pacing away toward the end of the room.

"That's sorta the idea…"

He shot me that disapproving look, lips pursed, brow low and furled. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?"

"Angel, luv. You may not remember yourself, but that expression is pure you."

"I thought I told you to stop the pet names," he snarled, stepping up toward me, trying to intimidate me.

"Okay, first off, 'Angel' is actually your name." He scoffed, stepping closer, nostrils flaring. "Well I didn't pick it out, mate. Don't blame that decision on me."

"And second?" he asked.

"Second…" I smiled and stepped closer, letting the scent of my love and lust for him roil from my skin. "I called you 'luv' because we love each other. I'm your _boyfriend_."

I saw his eyes dilate as he caught my scent, but he shook his head as if to clear it and stepped back from me.

"That's impossible," he insisted. "How do I know you weren't the one who injured me in the first place?"

I sighed, pointing to the bodies piled around the room. "Do you see the very large demons, mate?"

Angel stepped closer to one of them, getting just a quick look at the beastie before jumping back in horror. "What is that thing?"

"It's a _demon_. Quit being such a nancy." He gave me that disapproving look again, but didn't answer. "Oh, balls. Please tell me you remember what you are."

"What I am? And if we're really 'in love' as you claim, why do you keep insulting me?"

"Bugger. You really _don't_ remember me, do ya?"

"What did you mean by 'what I am'?" Angel held out his hands in front of him, turning them over once before examining his face with them. "Is there a mirror anywhere? I don't look like them, do I?" He pointed to the corpses.

"A mirror won't do you any good, pet. Just try to feel your pulse."

He put a hand to his neck, searching around. "I don't feel it…" He put a hand over his heart. "Why isn't my heart beating?"

"God!" I gasped in exasperation. "Because you're a fucking vampire, dumbass." I slit my wrist on my sword, holding it out to him. "Here, maybe this will help you remember."

"This is Hell, isn't it?" he asked, backing away from me. "There are demons, I'm dead, and a bleached blond fruitcake is trying to feed me his blood. Yep, definitely in Hell."

"You're not in Hell, Angel. Just take the blood, will ya?" I shoved my wrist at his face, wafting the smell of the blood under his nose.

"No," he whispered, but a low growl in his throat preceded the change in his face, eyes turning gold, brow growing larger and ridged, teeth pointed and needle sharp.

"There's my boy," I smiled, backing him against the wall and pressing my wrist to his lips. He tried to struggle against me, but he didn't realize how strong he was. My blood trickled over his lips, but he refused to open his mouth. Wondering just how much he didn't remember, I held him against the wall with my hips and used my free hand to pinch his nose closed. Like I thought, he opened his mouth to take a breath, and my blood trickled in.

Angel tried to spit it out, but instinct took over and he latched onto my wrist in short order, sucking my blood down. He tried to use his teeth to open the wound further, but I didn't let him, pulling my arm away before he took too much.

"Did that help, luv?" I asked quietly, still holding him pinned against the wall. "Do you remember who you are?"

"No," he breathed, almost panting under me. "But now I know why we're sleeping together."

Angel captured my lips in a kiss, his need pulsing against my whole body in waves. I returned his affection, holding his face to mine by the back of his neck, kneading the muscles. Maybe his blood was remembering what his brain didn't. But, suddenly his whole body stiffened and he pushed me away, finally using something approximating his full strength. I slid back three or four feet, just managing to keep my balance.

"No!" he yelled. "It's a test. A wicked temptation. I have…I have to get out of here."

Angel tried to run past me to get to the door, but I blocked his way. "'m sorry you don't remember me, Angel, but you can't run off by yourself. You don't remember what's out there."

"I don't really care. It's gotta be better than being here with you!" He tried to pass me again, but I caught him by the shoulder, jumping onto his back. I couldn't let him go, not with my blood flooding his system. If normal control-freak Angel could barely handle drinking my blood without causing trouble, amnesiac Angel would be a dangerous animal unleashed on the world. I wrapped an arm around his neck in a sleeper hold, praying he didn't remember how to break it. He didn't. Slowly enough blood drained out of his big head that he fell unconscious again.

This was just great. Angel didn't fucking remember me. Or his name, or anything relevant to keeping himself alive and out of trouble. The only thing he seemed to remember was how to insult me. He would rather take his chances on the street than stay in a room with me. And I had moronically fed him my blood, making him twice as dangerous as before. I shuddered to think what a creature as confused and powerful as Angel would do with that much sexual energy when unleashed on the public. God fucking damnit.

When I was sure he wouldn't be waking up again anytime soon, I released my hold and pulled him into a fireman's carry, slinging him over my shoulder. With my free hand, I picked up our weapons and prayed I wouldn't hit any trouble on the way back to headquarters.


	2. Coming Home

Chapter 2: Coming Home

Fortunately, my sleeper hold kept Angel unconscious long enough to get him into the car and all the way home. I suspect the head wound had more to do with the length of his unconsciousness than did my physical prowess. Maybe my blood would be gone, used up by the time he woke. Yeah, you should be so lucky, Spike.

We'd been tracking the demons for three days before finding their nest and though we hadn't been very far from the castle the whole time, we hadn't been back to it either. I was glad to be home as I carried Angel through the front doors, barking at the first slayer I saw. "Oi! Girl! Go get Buffy, yeah?"

I took the stairs up to our room two at a time, pausing at the top when I realized the girl had followed me. "What's a matter?" I asked her, sneering. "You deaf or just stupid, bit?"

"She's not here, Mr. Spike."

"Fuck me," I muttered. "Where'd she go, then?"

The girl, I thought her name might be Rita, refused to look at me. She was new, I remembered now, just a few weeks into training. "Report!" I barked, hoping a direct order would kick her into gear.

She stood up straighter, saying, "Sir! Summers is working an op at the Hellmouth."

"Bollocks! She knows she's not supposed to be working field ops! What's so special about this one, then?"

"Very large demon. She didn't think any of the others had the experience to take it down."

I shook my head in disbelief. "What's to know, bit? Hack until dead…really not that difficult."

Rita nodded, keeping her eyes downcast. I turned back down the hallway, but she cleared her throat and asked, "Sir? Is Mr. Angel okay? I mean, should we bring him to the infirmary?"

"No, but go find me some ropes and find Fred, okay, duck? I'll be in our room."

"Right away, sir!"

Now I know that the Scoobies got things done in Sunnydale – saving the world and all that rot – but I really loved this whole chain of command thing Buffy had going on here. No arguing with me, no insulting me. Only 'yes, sir' and 'no, sir'. Bloody brilliant.

I brought Angel through the sitting room and into the bedroom, laying him out on the mattress and pulling two pairs of handcuffs out from under the bed. It felt wrong using them to restrain Angel. He hates being tied up. Would rather be the one doing the tying, yeah? But until I was sure he remembered who he was, I wasn't going to let him out. Especially with all these girls around. I felt queasy at the thought that Angel might succumb to the lust my blood incited and, still not remembering why he normally keeps himself in check, force himself on one of them.

Fred knocked on the open bedroom door. "Hey, Spike," she said, eying Angel carefully. "What's goin' on? I'm not interrupting, am I? I mean, Rita said…"

"No, pet. You're not interrupting." I went to her, pulling her back into the sitting room. "Angel got knocked on the head and has a slight case of total amnesia."

"Oh, lord," she breathed, looking past me to the bed where he still lay. "Why did ya have to tie him up?"

"I'm a total git," I said, smiling sadly, "and I fed him my blood, hoping it would help bring him 'round. It just made him crazy." I dropped my eyes. "He doesn't even remember me. He freaked out when I kissed him."

"Oh, Spike," she sighed, gripping my arm with a sympathetic hand. "I'm so sorry. He doesn't remember anything?"

"Not even his own name, pet. I had to knock him out to get him back here, but I don't think he'll be out for much longer." I brought her back into the bedroom and got the first aid kit out of the closet. "I was hoping you could patch up his head for me while I finish tying him down."

"Sure." Fred took the box from me, laying it out on the bed next to Angel and sifting through it for the supplies she'd need.

I found a length of thin rope under the bed and used it to tie his feet together, not immobilizing him, but making it more difficult to escape. I heard a knock on the outer door of the suite and went to greet Rita with the ropes. Smart girl, she had even thrown in a few chains and padlocks. Slayers in our outfit learned early how to properly restrain a vampire.

When I returned to the bedroom, Angel was holding Fred against him in a kiss that she was struggling valiantly to end. He'd broken one of the cuffs and left it dangling on the headboard. Damn. We'd have to buy new ones.

"Angel!" I cried, rushing to free Fred from his grasp. I straddled him, using my weight to hold him down while I pried his arm and his head away from Fred. "Let go! You're hurting her, mate."

Arms shaking with the strain, I finally managed to separate Angel from Fred, who fell to the ground, face already bruising over her shocked expression. "Rita!" I bellowed, knowing I'd need extra help to keep him down. "Anyone! Help!"

Angel snarled up at me in full vamp face, so I showed him mine, hoping he'd back down. "Get off me, you fucker!" he growled, bucking something fierce.

"No!" I cried. "You've had my blood, luv. It makes you all growly and violent, and I can't have you attacking any more of your friends."

"The twig is one of my friends?" he asked, calming a bit. "But I wanted her and I thought vampires could just take what we wanted. That we wouldn't have any friends. Aren't monsters all about pain and death?"

"You're different," I insisted. "_We're_ different, pet."

Fred rose to her feet next to the bed, but her posture was wrong. "Illyria," I said through clenched teeth. "I really think you should get out of here."

"Your king has injured and insulted us, Spike. We would like to exact our revenge in slow and painful ways." Fred's change of attitude and her threats made my sire lose his game face and start struggling again, eyes wide in confusion.

"He's not quite himself, pet," I assured her, riding Angel as he bucked under me, trying to get free.

"But when an animal contracts a disease that makes it violent, in your world, that animal is destroyed. Is this not the same thing?"

"Illyria, kitten," I stressed, "Angel is _not_ an animal. He's a person, that I love, and he's not diseased. He's just…unwell."

"I'm worse than fucking unwell, you prick," Angel struggled under me. "I'm being held prisoner, you've turned me into a monster, and you won't even let me _be_ a monster."

"It's for your own good, pet," I yelled, sighing in relief when Rita and another slayer came into the room. "A little help, girls?"

The three of us got Angel subdued and tied to the bed as well as we could, while Illyria stood in the corner, menacing Angel with ungodly looks.

"Alright girls," I said when we were done. "Thanks for your help. Would you take Illyria down to the infirmary, put some ice on her face?"

"I wish to stay, to make sure your king injures no one else."

"I've _got_ it, Lyrie. Go with the nice ladies and have your face taken care of. If you don't, Fred will be upset with you."

After a lengthy pause, she said, "I find your reasons suitable," and then stalked out, the two young slayers in her wake.


	3. Setting Angel Straight

Chapter 3: Setting Angel Straight

I pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat, waiting for Angel to tire out and stop struggling. We had him tied down so tight, it didn't take very long. I gave him an extra extensive moment of silence before I started talking.

"Your name is Angel and you _are_ a vampire. But unlike most vampires, you have a soul. You didn't always have that soul, and you spent a hundred and fifty years killing and maiming, torturing and raping. Your soul is your conscious, luv. When you still had them, your memories of those days haunted your every waking moment, keeping you in line. Keeping you from eating or raping your _friends_."

"And you know this 'cause we're just _so close_?" His voice was rich with sarcasm and a touch of grief. Good, maybe if he felt bad about attacking Fred he wouldn't be so much trouble.

"This is our room, pet." I said, standing and taking a picture off the wall to show to him. "See? That's you and this is me." In the photo, Angel had his arm around me lovingly.

"I don't even know what I look like, and since I'm a vampire, apparently I can't glance in a mirror. This guy doesn't even look like his name should be Angel. I think he looks more like a Dave."

"Sorry, Angel, that's you. I could snap another picture and show it to you?"

He shook his head. "Who's the girl?"

"That's Buffy," I said, running my thumb over the image of our Slayer, sandwiched between us during that first dinner here in Scotland. The photographer had caught her laughing, a rare and beautiful enough occurrence that I had just been compelled to hang the photo in our room. "She's ours."

"Ours, as in both of ours?"

"Yes, Angel. Buffy is our girl, our Slayer."

"Slayer?"

"Guh. This is getting old, mate. _Vampire_ _slayer_. She's like us, but alive. Part human, with the power of a demon. Bloody strong and smart. Actually, most of the girls around here are slayers, born to kill creatures like me and you. So don't even think about trying to escape, mate."

"This is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard, man."

"Yeah, that's our life, pet. Ridiculous." When I returned the picture of the three of us to the wall, I noticed another one hanging there. I slipped it off its hook, bringing it over to Angel. "You drew this."

"Is that a picture of the same girl? Buffy, you said?"

"Indeed, pet. 'Tis."

"It's pretty good," he said, a little impressed by his own work.

Having an idea, I hung the picture up on the wall and stepped out into the sitting room and over to the desk. Hidden beneath the false bottom of one of the drawers were the rest of Angel's drawings. Technically I wasn't supposed to know where they were, but I'm a nosy bastard, yeah? I grabbed one of the most complete sketchbooks, replacing the false bottom of the drawer before closing it.

"So," I heard Angel speaking loudly from the other room, "uh, Blondie? Any chance you'll let me go if I promise to be good?"

I returned to the room with the book, saying, "Don't call me Blondie, and maybe I'll think about it."

He looked up at me. "What am I supposed to call you?"

"The name's Spike, luv." I sat down next to him on the bed, trying not to pull his chains too much.

"Spike? What kind of name is that?"

"_Nom de Guerre_."

"I'm not calling you Spike. I'll stick with Blondie."

I sighed, muttering, "At least you're still a stubborn son of a bitch." I thought for a moment before continuing, "Fine. You can call me William or Will, if you'd like." I opened the sketchbook. "You drew all of these, Angel. I thought maybe they'd help jog your memory."

"C'mon then, Will," he nodded. "Let's have a look."

I shivered at the sound of that name on his lips. He and Buffy only ever used it in our most intimate moments. I told my body to stay quiet, that even though Angel had used that name, he didn't want me. Not yet. I propped up the book on his chest, stuffing a pillow under his neck so he wouldn't have to strain, and flipped through the pages slowly. I reminded him who some of the subjects were, letting the narration go when they were all repeats, mostly of me and Buffy, though there were a few drawings of Cordelia and Darla.

After awhile, I wasn't even paying attention. Not until Angel said, "Wait. Will, go back one." I turned back the page, glancing at the drawing he'd stopped on. It was a recent one, of me and Buffy sleeping. He'd drawn the naked line of my back from shoulder to toes as I lay on my stomach, catching a bit of my face resting next to Buffy's. She was wearing a short tank top and panties, her nose against mine, but her shoulders and hips flat against the bed, bare legs splayed comfortably. He'd detailed my hand on her belly, catching the slight swell of her womb with carefully placed shading.

"She's…" he breathed, looking up at me questioningly.

"Aye, luv. Buffy's pregnant. She's a bit bigger now." I traced the line of her stomach in the portrait. "You managed to capture those first signs beautifully, pet."

"Who?" he asked, expression deep with pain. "I mean, which of us…?"

I set the book down so I could really look in his eyes. "We think it's yours, Angel."

"A baby?" He looked close to tears at the thought.

"You're the only vampire to have fathered a child before, mate."

"I've another child?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot to bring you his picture." I stepped back into the sitting room, grabbing a framed picture from the desk. "This is Connor," I told him as I returned, showing him the picture. "Your son. He lives in California, so we don't see him much, but he promised to visit over summer break."

"Does he live with his mother? How old is he? He goes to school?" The tears had broken through and were sliding down his cheeks, let loose by the thought that he couldn't remember his children.

"Wait a sec, luv. One question at a time," I took a deep breath, almost a sigh. "Connor's mother – Darla, from your sketches – is dead. She died in childbirth as I recall. Connor's about nineteen, I think? And he goes to school at Stanford."

"The university?"

"Aye, Peaches.

He looked at the picture again, studying it. "Can I see the picture of myself again?"

"Yeah," I breathed, retrieving it. "You're the wanker that's not me."

"Yeah, thanks, Will. I got it." He looked down at the picture, studying it, moving like he wanted to touch it, but couldn't under all those ropes and chains. "What's with my hair?"

I chuckled. "Don't ask me, luv. You won't let me tell the girls how to cut it so it doesn't look so poofy."

"Your hair is different," he noticed, looking up at me. "Same obnoxious color, but it's all curly in the picture."

"Yeah, _someone_ rushed me out the door before I was ready that day."

"Me?"

"Uh huh."

Angel looked back at the picture, studying it. "I like it better that way."

Chuckling in a low voice, I said, "That's what you told me this day, too, luv. See, you're still in there. You're still mostly you."

"Awesome," he said sarcastically, squirming a little uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Can you not talk like that?"

"Like what, pet?"

"In that…bedroom voice." He still sounded disgusted at the thought.

I sighed heavily. "Fine. I'll try to avoid it."

Angel nodded, looking at the picture of the three of us. I studied it too, noting the way he had gazed at me with such love in his eyes. My heart grew heavy and my gut clenched with the thought that he might never remember loving me as much as he did that night.

"Can I see that drawing again?"

"O' course, mate." I flipped through the sketchbook until I found it again, setting it in front of him.

"I don't remember drawing this," he said softly. "But whoever did, it looks like he really loves both of you. How is that possible?"

"Love chooses us, pet, not the other way around."

"So in this life I don't remember, I love you?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

"And I love Buffy, who's having my child." I nodded. "And you're okay with that? You said she was our girl, but she's having _my_ baby."

"I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't jealous when I found out. But Buffy deserves this. She gave herself to us, two vampires, knowing she would sacrifice being with someone who could give her a normal life and children. So when she got pregnant, it was difficult not to be happy for her. Besides, if I was going to raise any man's child but mine, it would be yours, luv."


	4. Burning Off Steam

A/N: *Smut Warning*

Chapter 4: Burning Off Steam

Angel took in all the information I was giving him, though his eyes were stuck on the drawing. Eventually he said, "At least you're not half bad to look at." I chuckled low in my throat and Angel groaned, "I thought I told you to stop doing that."

"Can't help it, pet. Not when you're admiring my naked bum."

"Ugh. Why am I so…"

"Horny?" Angel nodded, looking horrified. "It's my blood, pet. I didn't think of this effect when I fed it to you. And I can't let you out until it subsides. For the good of the public, and all that rot."

"When will it subside?"

"To really get it out of your system, maybe six or seven hours. Unless…"

"Unless what?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Unless you get a release; then it goes right away."

"I don't think I can spend six or seven hours like this…"

"Can't say as I blame you, luv. Would you like me to –"

"No!" he cried. "No, that's not, uh, necessary." He looked away from me and swallowed. "Why don't you just untie one of my arms so I can take care of it myself?"

"Because with one arm free, you're strong enough to get the rest of the way out. And if the urge hits you to go looking for flesh, which _it will_, you might hurt someone. You wouldn't be able to help it."

He pouted angrily and I smiled at the familiarity of that expression. "What about this Buffy girl?" he asked. "Since you say she loves me, why can't you get her to help me out?"

"Daffy bint has gone to Cleveland without telling us first."

"_Where_ are _we_, Will?"

"Scotland."

"So it will take a lot longer than six or seven hours?" Desperation was starting to cloud his voice.

"Indeed," I caught his eye. "C'mon, pet. Let me help you out. We do this all the time and I know how to bring you fairly quickly."

"I'd rather not."

"Look, Angel," I said with greater severity. "It's just going to get more difficult the longer you let this go. Now, I won't do anything you don't want me to. But I really think you should let me help."

"No."

"I know you find me attractive, but if you want to, you can just close your eyes and pretend I'm a woman. I mean, a mouth is a mouth, innit?"

He gasped at the suggestion, wriggling uncomfortably with desire. "You'd…?"

"I'd love to, pet," I said, letting my voice drop huskily. "I'd lick you up and down, wrap my lips around your achingly hard cock and swallow you down. I don't gag and I don't need to breathe. I'd suck and swallow and hum until your eyes rolled back in that beautiful head of yours and you came. I'd swallow every drop you had to give me, because you taste so, so wonderful, Liam."

Angel whimpered, his breath ragged, eyes dilated, and nostrils flaring. "What did you call me?"

"Hmm?" I asked, drinking in the scent of his desire.

"That name. It was the first time you said it."

"Oh, I suppose I called you Liam."

"Who's that?"

"That was your human name. Sometimes you ask me to use it."

He thought for a moment, his body calming slightly. "I remember that name. I remember being Liam, very vaguely. I think he looked a little like that man in the picture. The one you said was me."

"Good! That's good, pet. Maybe as that crack in your skull heals, everything else will come back."

"Perhaps," he said, closing his eyes, trying to remember. He sighed, pausing briefly as he exhaled, sniffing the air. "What's that intoxicating smell?"

"That's me, Angel. That's how much I love you and how much I want you."

He growled low in his throat, "Don't call me that. Call me Liam."

"Okay, Liam," I breathed, pressing against him through the ropes and chains.

"Ugh. I need…"

"I know what you need, Liam. Can you let me do that for you?"

"What you were saying before?"

"I'll do whatever you want, luv. I'm yours." I loosened some of the ropes over his lap. "If you want me to stop, just say so. Okay, pet?" Angel nodded, looking down at me with wide eyes as I moved down, nuzzling his cock through his pants with my cheek. He hissed in pleasure, prick jumping under my touch.

Quickly as I could without spooking him, I loosened his pants and took him out. His cock was so rigid that it was difficult to pry him up and away from his belly. I licked and kissed up and down his length before slipping the head of him into my mouth. The taste and smell of him overwhelmed my senses and I felt my prick engorge and strain against my jeans.

I worked him up quickly, using one hand at the base of him to keep his prick off his belly so I could take him in and out of my mouth, working him back into my throat. Angel cried a strangled moan when I swallowed the head of his cock, pressing him as far back as he could go before letting him slip forward into the relatively roomy cavern of my mouth. I tasted the bittersweet drop of his pre cum as it hit my tongue, sighing through my nose at how arousing it was.

The next time I swallowed him, I hummed quietly at first, then louder as he gasped and his hips rocked, trying to fuck my throat even though he was tied down. But I caught the pace he was trying to set, working with it as best I could. Then I increased the tempo on him, sucking and swallowing and humming like I had promised to do. Though I hadn't thought it possible, Angel grew even harder in my mouth and I moved at a severe pace, forcing him over the edge.

I swallowed over and over again as his cock shuddered in my mouth, trying to keep up with him, barely tasting the delicious war between demon and soul in his fluid as he forced it down my throat. When he was done, I tucked him back into his pants sedately. Normally I would have teased him a bit more, but I didn't want to scare him off by showing too much familiarity.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he sighed when his voice started working again. "It's no wonder I keep you around, Will."

I smiled, wiping off my mouth with the back of my hand. "Most of that you taught me at one point or another, mate."

"Well good on me, I suppose."

We sat in silence for a few moments as I let him recover. Eventually, I asked, "How're you feeling, Liam, pet?"

"I have to say," he began softly, "the urge to fuck anything that moves has diminished significantly."

I chuckled, standing up from the bed. "If I let you go, and the urge starts to come back, will you let me know? Will you let me take care of you? I want to take you down to the infirmary to get that gash sewn up proper before it heals oddly, but you have to promise to behave, yeah?"

"Okay! I promise already. Please let me out, Will. I really don't like…"

"I know, pet, I know. You've never liked being the one tied up." I started undoing the padlocks first, since they were the outermost layer.

"I'm more of the tying type?"

"Right you are, An – Liam." I changed names mid breath, trying to honor his request.

"Do I tie up you or the girl? Buffy?"

"Just me, pet. Buffy's slayer instincts get the better of her too easily for her to enjoy restraints."

Next I started undoing the ropes. "Just remember, pet. You're in a building full of slayers – women who could probably kick your ass and tie you up somewhere even more uncomfortable, like the dungeon."

"And I need this reminder, why?"

"Because as a vampire, you've got a nasty track record of saying just about anything to get what you want. You don't do it so much since you've gotten your soul, and you haven't lied to me in a very long time, but the capacity is there. I just want to make sure you keep your promise. Besides, when these ducks hear the words 'evil vampire' they tend to stake first and ask questions later."

"So it's for my own safety that I listen to you?"

"Uh huh. I know you don't want to. I know you're the one usually gives me the orders. But if I lost you for some stupid reason," I untied the last set of ropes keeping his feet bound together, "I wouldn't survive it, pet. And then who would help Buffy raise that little fingerling in her belly?"

"Quite the master of the guilt trip, aren'tcha, Will?" Angel asked, rubbing his ankles to get the feeling back into them.

"It's a trip you needed to go on, Liam. You may not remember them, but you've responsibilities here."

"Now you're sounding like a man I'm pretty sure was my father. I don't think I liked him much."

I laughed. "No, you didn't, luv. But he's been dead for two hundred and fifty years, and you've taken on all these responsibilities willingly." He looked up at me through his brow, dark eyes meeting mine in some semblance of understanding. "Let's get you to the hospital wing, mate."

"Yeah, alright." He smiled at me shyly, and I smiled back, wondering if he really was warming up to me like he appeared to be. I had always known that one of the ways to Angel's heart was through his dick. It seemed like the basics of his personality were still there, or were coming back slowly, but the specific memories were still blanked out.


	5. Stitches

Chapter 5: Stitches

I brought Angel down to the doctor, a chipper demon named Jerry with all the training but not the human pedigree he needed to get a medical license. He decided to knock Angel out with some anesthesia so the stitches would turn out better.

After Angel was out, I dug through my pockets until I found my cell phone. I flipped it open and dialed Buffy's number, only to have her shunt me to voicemail after just two rings. I growled at my phone in frustration. "Cheeky bint thinks she can avoid my calls, huh?" I told Jerry I'd be back before he was done with Angel's stitches and made my way to the command room.

"Hey, whelp!" I called up to Xander as I climbed the short flight of stairs onto his monitoring platform.

"Oh, lookit," he snarked, "Fang Boy number two. How'd the mission go? Weren't you supposed to be back yesterday?"

"Mission went okay, except Angel's been injured. Took an axe-blow right to the skull," I said, indicating on my head where Angel had been hit. "Jerry's fixin' him up now."

"Oh, crap," Xander said, standing up from behind his desk. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"Except for some slight total memory loss, he'll be fine," I growled, stepping closer to the human. "What you should be worried about is the fact that you helped Buffy get to Cleveland without letting either Angel or I know about it."

"_Slight_ total memory loss?" he asked, trying to ignore my intimidation tactics.

"Focus, Harris! Buffy went on an Op without us. Seven months pregnant! If Angel could remember her, he'd be torturing you right now."

"He doesn't remember Buffy?"

"No!" I spat, grabbing the front of that poncey mock turtleneck sweater he likes wearing. "Now you're going to get Buffy on the phone or the com unit or whatever, so I can speak with her. Aren't you?"

"Uh," he said, unwrapping my fingers from his shirt. "Yeah, sure, Spike. I can do that for you."

I let him go roughly. "Thank you."

Xander pulled a cell phone from his pocket, pointing it to call Buffy's number and holding it to his ear. I heard it ring twice before Buffy answered, "Xander, hi."

Xander shoved the phone at me, saying, "Here."

I snatched it from him and held the phone up to my ear. "Buffy, luv. It's me."

"Oh, hi. Spike," she stammered and I could almost hear her nervous smile. "Honey. Um, you're probably wondering what I'm doing in Ohio…"

"I know exactly why you're in Ohio, kitten," I growled. "But that's not why I'm calling." I walked over to the office at the side of the command room, kicking out Andrew and the two girls working there so I could have some privacy.

"You don't have happy-Spike-voice, do you?"

"No, pet."

She sighed. "What's the bad news, sweetie?"

"Look, everyone's still alive, but Angel's been hurt."

"Oh, god," she breathed. "How bad is it?"

"Jerry says he's going to be fine."

"_Going_ to be?"

"He doesn't remember, luv. He took a blow to the head – well, actually an axe to the head – and he only remembers a little bit about his human life. Noth-," my voice cracked as my eyes welled up. "Nothing about us," I whispered.

"Nothing?"

"Uh, uh. He's starting to trust me a little, but it's so hard. It's just – " My words broke off again and I couldn't get them out. "He was just…"

"Was he mean to you?"

"Somewhat. Not nearly as bad as Angelus, but you know how deep those wounds still are."

"I know, honey. I know."

"When will you come home, Buff? I need you here. Angel needs you here. I told him about the baby, and that seemed to resonate more than anything else. Maybe if he saw you…"

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Will," she whispered. "I'm going to the airport right now. I love you."

"Love you, too, pet," I sighed, closing the phone to disengage it.


	6. Dinner

Chapter 6: Dinner

I went back to the infirmary and waited for Angel to wake up. It took a fucking long time. When he came out of it, I asked him, "D'ya remember anything else, luv?"

"Sorry," he shrugged, fingering the bandage on his head as he stood. "Did the doctor say how long this will take to heal?"

"Couple a days," I replied, leading him towards the door with a hand at the small of his back.

"It needed stitches, but it's only going to take a couple days to heal?"

"One o' the perks of being the walking dead, yeah?"

"Huh?"

"A vampire, pet. Please tell me you remember that much."

"Oh. Yeah. I remember that part." He looked down, away from me as we walked.

"Speakin' of," I said, steering him away from the corridor that led back to our room, "I could use some dinner. How 'bout you? You'll need your strength to heal up proper."

"What do you mean by dinner? I'm not drinking your blood again."

"No, pet. I think that's wise. I was more thinkin' the pig's blood we've got in the kitchen."

"You keep your blood in the kitchen. With all the food?"

"Yeah? Where else would ya keep it? Needs to be kept cold."

"It's just. Ugh, kinda gross."

"Yeah, but it'll keep you from going insane with hunger, so how's about we give it a go, huh?" I walked backward against the swinging kitchen door, pushing it with by backside as I led Angel into the room.

"Yeah, okay, Will. I am a little thirsty."

"Right then, luv," I said, leaving him by the door as I went to the one fridge that Diane had designated for blood and other odd things. I pulled out one large jar for Angel and a half-full jar for me. While I was getting out a mug for Angel's blood, I unscrewed my jar, taking a few swallows of the unpleasantly cold and thick blood. But at least it helped calm the gnawing in my belly that had been there since I'd realized Angel didn't remember me.

"What are you doing?" he asked me as I filled a mug that said "World's Greatest Boss".

"I'm making the blood the way you like it," I said, snatching a jar of cinnamon from the spice rack and tipping in a few shakes. I warmed it in the microwave, waiting in awkward silence for the bloody machine to beep. Since the microwave in this damn industrial kitchen was huge, I stirred the blood with a spoon to even out the temperature before I gave it to Angel.

"There you go, luv," I said, taking a sip of my still-cold blood. I'd add a shot of whiskey, but Buffy insisted the liquor be kept away from where all the little slayers might find it, which meant no where near the kitchen.

Angel smelled the blood hesitantly. "Are you sure I'm gonna like this? It looks disgusting."

"Oh, I promise you won't, pet. But we've a strict no human blood policy."

"How come?"

"Well, it's like a drug, yeah? Once you get started, it's terribly difficult to quit. 'S better this way."

He brought the mug up to his face, sniffing carefully before taking a sip. He smacked it around in his mouth before taking another swallow. "It's actually not that bad…" he said, drinking the rest while I warmed up another mug for him.

"Here, drink this one too, pet. You've lost a lot of blood today."

He swallowed the second mug full in three gulps, licking his lips when he was done. The sight of his tongue covered in blood made my knees weak but my fantasies were shattered when he accidentally slammed the mug down on the counter, cracking it through the center. "Oh! Sorry."

"It's fine, Liam. Here, let me clean that up," I brushed him away, picking up the pieces of the mug and tossing them in the rubbish bin. There were a few drops of blood left on the counter where they'd spilled from the broken cup. I wiped up the blood with my fingers, absently licking them as I went back to the fridge. "Did you want any more?"

When I turned around for his answer, Angel was standing and staring at me dumbly, his mouth slightly open. "What?" I asked. "Did your brain finally quit on you completely?"

He shook his head and pointed at me, "I remember that."

"What? Drinking blood? That's good."

"No," he said, backing up a little. "I remember you, licking blood off your fingers like that."

Ponce that I am, I teared up as I approached him. "You remember me?" Instead of letting me embrace him, Angel backed up before I was in reach.

"Yeah, I remember you, Spike. I remember we killed a woman and made her face a ruin. And you kept dipping your fingers into the gore and licking them clean. I remember finding it _funny_." His face twisted into a mask of disgust and fear as he backed up further.

"Now, hold on, Liam," I said carefully. "That memory was from before we both got our souls. We're different now."

"Not that much different," he insisted. "We still survive on blood."

"It's _always_ about blood, Angel. You think just because humans can eat hamburgers and onion blossoms, they don't survive on blood? Ha! Drain one of them and see how long he can survive. I promise you, it's not forever."

Quietly, he said, "I asked you not to call me that."

"Fuck. I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry you only remember me as a murderer. But rest assured, _Liam_, that's not what I am _anymore_."


	7. Consulting the Scoobies

Chapter 7: Consulting the Scoobies

"Fuck. I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry you only remember me as a murderer. But rest assured, _Liam_, that's not what I am anymore."

"How do I know that? I mean, where are all the normal people?"

"I've been keeping you away from them, so you wouldn't be tempted," I said, my voice still edged with frustrated anger.

"I've just fed, William. That makes me less dangerous, right?"

"Supposedly."

"Then I'd like to talk to someone else. Someone human, if that's possible."

"Sure, whatever," I said, leaving the kitchen and assuming he'd follow me. Which he did. Even though he only remembered me as a murderer, he trusted me at least enough to lead him toward the others. That was something, right? I went back to the command room and Andrew was the first human we ran into.

"Andrew," I said. "Did Xander tell you about Angel's brain thing?"

"Indeed he did, Spike," the little guy looked around me at Angel. "He, like, doesn't remember anything?"

"A few things are trickling back, but he'd like to speak to a human now. Instead of me. You're close enough, right?"

"Oh, Spike!" he said, touching my arm. "You and that sense of humor!" I swear this kid has the hots for me, even more so since he found out I've been sleeping with Angel. "Don't worry, Angel," Andrew said louder, "I'm completely human."

"Oh, and call him Liam," I said as I turned to face Angel.

"Angelus' human name," Andrew intoned, sounding like an imperious historian. "Hi, Liam. I'm Andrew, fully human and expert in all things supernatural." I scoffed loudly, but didn't say anything.

"Andrew," Angel began. "Will says that I'm a vampire. With a soul."

"And?"

"Is it true?"

Andrew smiled hugely. "Oh, yes! One of only three known examples to date! Isn't it cool being so unique?"

"Not yet," Angel muttered. Andrew looked at me, concerned, but I shook my head, telling him to let it slide. Angel continued, "And William, or Spike – whatever – is another one of these three?"

"Aye-aye, sir! Interesting historical sidebar? Your souls were gained in two different ways! I always love it when the unthinkable becomes…thinkable. Twice."

Angel turned to me. "How'd you get your soul?

"I fought for it, dinnit I? Day and night I fought, surviving the demon trials. Gave up the evil lifestyle and got my soul back. On purpose, mate." Nodding, Angel seemed almost startled. And impressed.

"That's not how I got my soul?"

"Heavens, no!" Andrew exclaimed. "Yours got put back by a gypsy curse."

"Cursed," he murmured, looking off in to the distance behind me. "And now the both of us are good guys, fighting evil?"

Andrew slipped into his story-telling voice. "Two souled vam_pire_s – champions for the forces of good and truth – fighting side by side to keep the world safe from the dark side of the Force. Straddling the line between good and evil, understanding both but never belonging, until you found each other. Isn't it romantic?"

"So Will and I are lovers?"

"Uh, _yeah_, space case," Andrew laughed and then sighed, looking up at me. "A romantic tale for the ages…"

"Okay, Will. Can I talk to someone who _isn't_ in love with you?" Angel asked, exasperated with Andrew, as is likely to happen whenever a sane person tries to talk to the little poof.

"What? I…" Andrew spluttered. "That's totally redonkulous, Angel."

I ignored Andrew's protests, telling Angel, "Yeah, sure, mate. Let's talk to Xander. He should be in his office over there." I turned back to the little blond. "Andrew, Buffy's flying in right away. Could you find out what time the company plane is scheduled to land?"

"You got it, Spike! Comin' right up."

I went up to Xander's door, knocking briefly before opening it. "Hey, Harris. Liam wants a word with you."

"What? Who?" My amnesiac boyfriend followed me into the office, again looking around at everything. "Oh, Angel."

"So far he only remembers his human name."

"Which was what, again?"

"Call me Liam," Angel insisted, taking a seat across the desk from Xander. I perched on one of the short filing cabinets by the door.

"Right. Liam. Good to see you, buddy," Xander smiled, his cheek raising the eyepatch slightly away from the hollow where his eye used to be.

"I need to know the truth about certain things."

"Okay…shoot."

"Huh?" Angel asked

"Ask your freaking questions!" Xander said with a roll of his eye.

"Right. Am I a souled vampire?"

"Yes."

"Do I fight against evil?"

"Kinda your purpose, dead boy."

"Is…Spike my lover?" He'd had to pause for a second before using that name. The one everyone around here knew me by.

Xander nodded, "Last I heard, though I really don't ask too many questions on that front."

"Buffy's having my baby?"

"Either that, or she's a really good liar." Dismayed, I gave him a look that said I'd beat his face in for making a joke when Angel was this vulnerable. "Uh," Xander continued, "I mean, _yes_."

"Can vampires normally have children?"

"No, never."

"So why do I trust Buffy when she says it's mine?"

"Because she's Buffy!" Xander insisted. "You two have been in love since first sight almost ten years ago. Besides, Buffy doesn't lie. I promise."

"If Buffy and I are so in love, why does Spike live with us?"

Sighing, the whelp said, "It's complicated, and I never really wanted to know the whole story, man."

"Because we're a family," I interjected. "The three of us and this new baby."

Xander nodded, though he still looked a little skeptical.

Angel paused for a few minutes, looking at his hands before he asked, "So I can trust him?"

"Yeah," Xander said, catching my eye. "You can trust him with your life." The whelp's look said he didn't want me to make a liar of him. I nodded at him, assuring him I'd caught his meaning.

"And the lives of innocents?"

"Those too," he insisted, again shooting me a look. We sat in silence for another few minutes, waiting for Angel to put his thoughts together.

Eventually he sighed and stood to face me. "Okay, now what?"

"You haven't anymore questions, pet?"

He shook his head, turning back to the boy. "Thanks for your time, Xander, was it?"

"Yeah," Harris said, standing as well and shaking Angel's hand. "Feel better soon, Liam. We really need you around here, man."

"Sure," Angel nodded, leaving the office. I waved goodbye to Xander and followed my boyfriend from the control room.

"What goes on around here?" he asked as we walked.

"Slayers, all the girls called with special abilities, they fight demons. 'Round here we train them up and send them in the right direction. Run missions and the like."

"Do you have a specific job here, or are you just a general warrior?"

"A bit of both, luv. I run the combat training most days, though I do pitch in now and again for certain missions."

"And what do I do?"

"Let's go take a look 'round your office. See if that sparks any more memories." I pointed out the way, letting him walk just in front of me through some of the more narrow corridors. "You run the money-making side of this enterprise. Investing and such so we have pounds enough to pay everyone and buy all the fancy equipment. But you still go on the occasional mission, to keep your demon hunting skills sharp."

"Is that how I got hurt? On a mission?"

"Yeah, luv. We tracked those demons using our super-smelling noses for three days before we could get the jump on them and find their nest. In the heat of battle, you managed to get an axe to the head."

"Was the mission successful?"

I laughed. "Oh, yes. Killed all the bad guys, stopped their nefarious plans for ritual virgin sacrifices and everything."

"Good," he muttered. "That's good."


	8. Angel's Office

Chapter 8: Angel's office

As Angel and I walked the short distance from the command room to his office, I felt him relax beside me with every step. Halfway there, he stopped, turning to face me. He opened his mouth and struggled to speak a few times before pointing back the way we came and saying, "Those boys weren't lying."

"No, they weren't."

Nodding, Angel continued, "I could tell. The way their hearts were beating, the way they smelled. It was truth."

"Uh," I stammered, unsure where he was going with this line of thought, "yeah, pet. It was. Finally gettin' the hang of your vampire senses?"

Ignoring my question and giving me a hard, yet vulnerable look he whispered, "I can trust you?"

Hope filtered back into my heart as I reached out to squeeze his shoulder, a friendly gesture. "You can trust me with anything."

Angel nodded slowly and held his hand out for mine, letting me clasp it and lead him toward his office. Huh. Trust.

Shortly, we stepped up to a door, next to which was fastened a plastic plaque one of the girls had made. It said 'Angel – CFO'. Under that, I had etched 'Spike's Bitch' very faintly, but clear enough that I could see it every time I came to visit and get a good laugh. Angel saw it this time, running his fingers over the lettering.

"You did this?"

I chuckled, "Yeah. I did."

"Is it true?"

"Not really," I told him. "But that's what makes it funny, luv."

He nodded and opened the office door, letting go of my hand so he could wander and take a look around. "Does that mean you're _my_ bitch, then?" Angel asked, tracing the edge of his big oaken desk with two fingers and shooting me a small grin.

"Only sometimes," I smiled seductively, closing the door behind me. "And I make you work for the privilege."

I saw him shiver before Angel turned to face me and leaned back against the edge of the desk. "How?" The smell of his arousal wafted up to my nostrils.

"Usually I make you fight me into submission before you can tie me up and fuck me." I said, using that low voice that had gotten to him earlier as I approached him. He shuddered again at my words.

"Why," he breathed, voice catching in his throat. "Why would you let me do that?"

I stopped just short of touching him. "Because it's fun. And, seriously? You fuck like a god."

He groaned and reached out one hand to touch my face. "I'm sorry I don't really remember you, Will." He waited for my forgiving nod before saying, "Has anyone ever told you you're prettier than any man has a right to be?"

I chuckled again, leaning into his hand. "Yeah, pet. You've told me that several times over the years."

"Is that why I can't seem to resist you?"

"Mmm," I shook my head. "I think your body just remembers me a lot more clearly than your brain does." I closed that gap between us, pressing my hips and belly against his, kissing his lips.

Angel melted toward me, finally giving in to what his flesh wanted as I traced the line of his body up from his thighs to his ribs and underarms with my hands. Slipping them around to his back I pulled him closer, trying to erase any distance between us. Suddenly urgent, Angel tugged at my clothing recklessly, fingers striving to get in anywhere so he could touch skin. I helped him out by letting my jacket fall back to the floor and yanking my t-shirt off over my head.

He leaned back to really look at me, running his hands all over my chest and shoulders. "I remember this," he whispered, brushing a certain spot on my ribs with his thumb. "I remember this mole." I caught a breath when Angel bent to kiss it, gentle lips tickling my side and raising goosebumps across my flesh.

"That's good, luv," I moaned, intentionally keeping my words and tone ambiguous as my body responded to his touch, muscles trembling and cock straining against my pants. "Do you remember anything else?"

Angel used his hands to turn me around. Both thumbs found the very base of my back, just above the low waistline of my jeans. "I remember these dimples," he whispered, kissing them both, making me shiver in his hands as he turned me back around.

"I remember these lines along your hipbones, dipping into your trousers." I was practically panting under this scrutiny as he ran his hands all over me, tremulous hope thudding in my chest, almost like a heartbeat.

"I even remember that you like it when I do this," he said before tonguing my belly button and making me cry out at the aching shivery wet contact. "Why do I remember these details, but when I look at your face, I still don't remember who you are? Besides that one glimpse of what you used to be?"

I almost cried like a stupid pansy, hitching my breath. "I don't know."

"Could…" Angel's tongue escaped his mouth very briefly, wetting his lips. "Could I maybe see the rest of you? See what else I can remember?"

Keeping my eyes locked on his, I nodded, unbuttoning my pants and zipping them down while stepping out of my boots. When I let the pants fall, kicking my lower legs out from inside them, Angel gasped, his gaze on my cock, which was already standing tightly against my belly. And then he knelt in front of me, hands grasping my hips to keep me from backing away. "I…" he inhaled, face practically in my crotch. "Oh, god. I remember this, too."

If not for the severity of the situation, I would have laughed. "Glad to see you're remembering the important bits," I whispered, voice too unsure for any more volume.

He looked up at me with a crooked little smile, an expression so like my boyfriend that I asked, "Angel?" just as he took me into his mouth. "Oh. Oh, pet," I groaned as his lips and tongue enveloped my prick, sending a wave of fiery pleasure through my body that threatened to weaken my knees. "Please, luv," I breathed. "Please, I have to sit down." He sucked as he pulled back, cheeks hollowing and provoking a deep moan from my throat.

"The chair," he said huskily, nodding in indication, pushing me back toward it. I sat down carefully, keeping my hips at the edge of the chair and spreading my legs so he could fit between them. Angel shuffled toward me on his knees, catching my eye as he dipped to take me in again.

"Luv," I said as he sucked on me again, "you're making my toes curl, it's so good." He murmured in acknowledgment, sending a shiver straight to the base of my spine. Angel's thumbs ran up the insides of my thighs, spreading my legs further apart, searching further up until they reached the top and ran along the creases between my body and my legs, tickling the sensitive skin, pressing on the veins, almost reassuring.

Eventually one hand went up to wrap around my cock, working the moisture from his saliva farther down, pumping at the base of me. The other hand went down tentatively. When his mouth was clear, he asked me, "Is it okay if I…" one wet finger found its way down to my arsehole, circling gently.

"Oh, god, yes. Please." I replied, wriggling under his touch as he pushed that finger into me. His ministrations on my cock continued as he probed tenderly, working into me slowly and carefully, stretching the almost too-dry skin. Before long, he hit that one place inside me, forcing me to the edge. "Liam!" I cried out. "I'm gonna…" Instead of backing off like I'd been expecting, he sucked at me harder, pulling me deeper into his mouth as I let go with a strangled moan, "Oh, bloody joyful stars and fire divine, pet. Fuck."

"Mmm," he murmured as he swallowed, letting me slip from him as my cock stopped shuddering. "Will? Have you always tasted this good?"

"Just since I got the soul," I chuckled, wincing as he pulled his finger back. I looked down at him, smiling gently. "You remember how to suck cock astonishingly well, luv."

In response, Angel smiled up at me, studying my face for a very long time. And I let him, keeping myself calm and striving not to fidget in boredom or anxiousness. And then his dreamy post-sex expression changed, his eyes going wide as he stared at me. All of a sudden, he pulled me down from the chair so I straddled his lap and enfolded me in his arms, squeezing tightly. "Will," he breathed in my ear, "I remember you."

"Truly?" I whispered, eyes watering and chest tightening into an anxious knot of aching hope.

He kissed my neck, below my ear. "I remember the taste and the smell and the feel of you. I remember your voice and your laugh and that pleasured look on your face. I remember I love you."

"Oh," I said, grabbing the back of his neck in my hand and shifting back so I could look at him. I really was crying by now. "Oh, pet." I kissed him. "Luv." I kissed him again. "Ponce" "Peaches." "Wanker." "Captain Forehead." "Angel." "Liam." Between each of my names for him, I kissed him, all over his face. Anywhere. Everywhere.

"I don't remember many specifics," he clarified as I backed up and brushed a few tears from his cheeks. "But I remember the general sense of you, Will. Spike." He pulled me into another kiss, and this time I noticed the taste of my fluid on his tongue, finding it oddly comforting more than arousing.

As our mouths parted, I angled my forehead against his, looking into those deep brown eyes of his, noticing a touch of green in them under the office lighting. "And to think," I smiled, "you only had to give me a nice blow job in order to remember me."

He laughed in a low voice, the sound reverberating through my body as it was pressed right up against his. "Let's not mention that fact to the others, hmm?"

"Alright," I agreed, hugging him close to make sure he wouldn't leave me again. "But we have to tell Buffy."

"Why?"

"She loves hearing about what we do together, pet. Gets her all riled up."

He chuckled in that low, sexy voice again. "Plus," he added. "If I want to remember her…"

I let loose a loud chortle, rocking back in Angel's arms. "Oh, she wouldn't mind that at all!" I kissed him again, smiling against his lips, finally letting go of that knot of grief in my belly. Finally knowing that Angel was coming back to me, surely if slowly.

* * *

_A/N: I'm betting that was the happy chapter you've been waiting for..._ _Don't worry, more story to come over the next week. Happy Reading!_


	9. More Comfortable

Chapter 9: More Comfortable

When we parted after our kiss, Angel slapped my legs and pushed me back gingerly. "Maybe we should move somewhere a little more comfortable," he said, grabbing my pants from the floor behind him and handing them to me. "That room we were in before? You said it was ours?"

"Sure, luv," I said, taking the pants and standing so I could step into them. Angel gathered my shirt and jacket before he stood, passing them to me as I needed them. As I went for the boots, he grabbed them out from under me and lifted me up with the other arm so that my stomach was on his shoulder and I was facing his back.

"Angel!" I cried. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know," he laughed. "Having a little fun." He squeezed my ass and I couldn't help but giggle. I don't know if I ever really got to see this side of Angel for more than a minute or two at time before that day. "Which way to our room?"

"Go left out the door."

He went to the office door, opening it. "Okay, left." I bounced on his shoulder as he walked, though he kept me secure with his strong arms. "We're at some stairs…up or down?"

"Up," I laughed, growing giddier as the blood rushed to my head. He ran up the stairs, bouncing me roughly at every step. "Ugh. Pet! You're going to make me sick."

At the top of the stairs, he asked, "Which way? Are we almost there?"

"Left to the end of the hallway, then left again. Ours are the big double doors. You can really let me go now, if you'd like…"

"No way," he said, pinching the back of my leg hard enough to make me yelp. "Alright. Big double doors." He opened one of them, moving into the dark sitting room. "Is there a light switch?"

"No, but there's a lamp straight ahead on the table."

"Ack," he dismissed, closing the door. "Who needs lights? Certainly not vampires like us."

"Right you are, luv. Our bedroom is on the right."

"To the right!"

I laughed again as he stomped into the bedroom and flung me down on the bed, crosswise. He dropped my boots beside the bed and crawled atop me, settling his pelvis between my legs. "So, tell me, Spike…"

"Yes, Liam?"

"Why do we have such an enormous bed? I mean, look at this! It practically takes up the whole room."

"Because we have three people sleeping here most nights, and _one_ of us takes up more than his fair share of space while he's sleeping."

"Is it you?"

"Guess again."

"I know it's not me," he smiled, kissing me deeply. "It must be Buffy."

"Buffy's tiny! Practically half your size. A bit more now that she's carrying a kid, but still…"

Angel pulled back, holding himself above me on his arms. "When am I going to meet Buffy? Will she be back soon?"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep your pants on, luv. I talked to her while you were gettin' stitched up. She was heading to the airport just then. She'll be taking the company jet, which shouldn't take too much longer. Maybe three or four more hours 'til we can go pick her up."

"We have our own jet?" he asked, clearly impressed.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "We stole it from your old bosses and they never really asked for it back."

"Why not?"

"Well, see, they were evil. So, we kinda banished them from this dimension and killed all the evil lackies that were still here."

"And then stole their plane."

I nodded. "And a few hundred million dollars."

"What?!"

"That's why you're in charge of the money, pet. It was your spoils of war."

"So I'm rich?"

I nodded, reaching up to kiss him again. "Rich enough to keep me in the fashion to which I'm accustomed. And to keep the rest of this place going indefinitely."

"Wow," he said. "You were right earlier when you said I had a lot of responsibilities."

"You'll come to recall that I'm right more often than not."

He chuckled, "And cocky to boot." He kissed me again, shortly, before asking, "Exactly how pregnant is Buffy?"

"We think seven months along."

"So…big?"

"She's carrying your giant-ass baby on that petite frame of hers, Ange. She's already huge."

"And you let her fly off somewhere?"

"Oi, I didn't _let_ Buff do anything, mate. She sent us off on this tracking mission and conveniently forgot to tell us she'd be hopping the pond over to the colonies."

"Pretty strong-willed?"

"Heh. Like you wouldn't believe."

Angel rolled over, resting on his back next to me. "It feels weird, getting one's memories back."

"How so?"

"You'd think they'd come back in order or all at once or something. But they don't."

"Need to be reminded before they come back to you?"

"Maybe. I don't know," he sighed. "It almost seems random."

I turned to face him in the dim room, the only light filtering in from the hallway under the main suite doors. "What are you remembering now, Angel?"

He stared up at the ceiling as he spoke, and I followed suit. Angel and Buffy had never let me install a mirror up there. "It's a woman, blonde, pregnant. I think I tried to save her."

"But you didn't?"

"I remember pain and fear. Rain and darkness. Holding a baby in my arms."

"That must've been Connor," I said. "Your son. His mother was Darla, the blonde."

"She died?"

"Yeah. She was a vampire. Couldn't give Connor life without taking her own, or at least that's what you told me years later. Said she staked herself to save your son. You should ask Fred about it, she was there."

"Fred?"

"That woman you molested earlier…"

"Oh, god! I can't believe I did that." He covered his face with his hands. "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

"Fred's the forgiving type. I'm sure in a few days time, you'll be fine."

He nodded, looking at me with eyes that were swallowed in the darkness of the room. "Did I know Darla very well?"

"She was your sire, your ex. You two were companions for the hundred and fifty years between when she killed you and when you were cursed with a soul."

"So, kinda like my wife?"

"More like partner in crime, but yeah."

We sat together in silence as he thought over the concept that was Darla.

"Fuck, it's been a long day," he said at last.

"Aye, that it has, luv."

"D'you think we can just sleep for a few hours? Until it's time to go get the girl? Vampires do sleep, right?"

"Yeah, we do." I got up from the bed and pulled the covers back so Angel could turn and get under them. After losing my jacket, I joined him there, fitting my back against him so he could throw his arm over me. "Go ahead and sleep, Liam. If you'd like, I can go get Buffy without you, so you can rest for a few more hours?"

"You know," he said, chin on my shoulder and mouth very close to my ear, "that might be for the best. If we both meet her at the airport, and it takes me awhile before I remember her…It's kind of a public place for tears and disappointments."

I hugged his arm against my chest. "Buffy won't be disappointed in you, pet. As long as you're here and alive when we get back. But I agree that the airport is too public for this reunion. I'll just let you sleep, yeah?"

"Thanks, hon," he mumbled, and my heart flew into my throat at his use of that term of endearment. He only really used it for me. Buffy was always 'dear' or 'babe' or 'darling', 'love', 'beloved', any of a dozen names, except 'hon'. _I _was always 'hon' and sometimes 'precious' or 'sunshine', but most often the first. Was it just a reflex, or was he remembering that part of our life together as well?

I lay awake in his arms until he was well and truly asleep, breathing evenly and snoring on occasion. His sleeping brain never has realized he doesn't need to breathe. Anyway, at that point, I untangled myself from his embrace and found my cell phone in the pocket of my jacket. I took it to the sitting room, closing the bedroom door behind me before switching on the lamp and flipping open the phone. Andrew's name was at the top of the list, by virtue of his first initial and I dialed his number.

"Spike, mi amigo!" came the answer from the other end of the connection. "How's Angel?"

"Well, we've made some progress. He actually remembers me, for starters…"

"By the Power of Grayskull! Congratulations!"

I shook my head at his outdated and very geeky exclamation. "Yeah, thanks, mate. Listen, did you get a hold of Buffy for me?"

"Sure did. She's landing in Inverness in about five hours."

"Oh, thank god. I hate Glasgow and it's so much further away."

Andrew chuckled politely. "I agree, as always, Spike." I heard some noises in the background, shuffling and rustling but no voices. "Oh!" Andrew continued. "Giles wants to come with you."

"No!" I complained. "Can't you keep the old bastard busy with something else?"

"Sorry, Spike. I already tried, but he pulled his Jedi mind tricks on me."

"Andrew!" I heard Giles scolding in the background.

I growled in frustration, "Tell him it's a family matter."

"Spike says it's a family matter. He doesn't want you to come along."

"You tell that no-good wanker of a vampire that I'm just as much family as he is, and as her Watcher I have a right to bawl out my slayer for going to the Hellmouth in her condition!"

"Yeah, Spike? Did you get that?"

"I got it," I said dangerously, practically hearing Andrew shiver over the phone. "Tell the git that I'll meet him in the garage four hours from now. Until then, I'm going to get some sleep." Before Andrew could respond, I hung up and turned the phone on silent, ignoring it ten seconds later when it vibrated instead of ringing.


	10. Riding with Giles

Chapter 10: Riding with Giles

Four hours and a minuscule amount of sleep later, I lived up to my promise and met Giles in the garage.

"Oi, Watcher? Ready to go?"

He frowned and sighed. "I was ready ten minutes ago, Spike." Giles approached his car, a little red buggy with a convertible top, holding out his keys and aiming for the lock.

"Uh, uh," I said, passing his car by. "It's dawn in thirty minutes, you git. We're takin' Angel's car." I approached a bright blue sports car, which Angel had had fitted with necro-tempered glass for protection from the sun. It wasn't the most practical of cars, but it sure was bloody fun to drive, yeah?

Giles scoffed in disbelief, "He gave _you_ the keys to his car?"

"Yeah, well," I said, unlocking the doors and taking the driver's side, "he still doesn't remember what I did to his last one." Giles shook his head as he climbed in the passenger's seat and pointedly buckled his seat belt. "Besides, he doesn't even remember that he has a car, or where he keeps the keys."

"So we're stealing your boyfriend's car?" The disapproval was almost palpable.

"Not stealing," I said as started the engine and pulled out of the parking space, heading toward the garage door. "_Borrowing_. Without asking." These infernal do-gooders can never see the nuances of the situation, can they?

"I still can't believe both Buffy and Angel agreed to let you take care of their child. You've got to be the most irresponsible person over the age of twenty-five that I've ever met."

"Oh, and Buffy going off to fight a Hellmouth demon while pregnant, that's a picture of responsibility?"

"No, but you see," he said, hanging onto the dashboard as I made a tight corner, "Buffy's only twenty-four."

"You really are an insufferable ponce, you know that?"

He chuckled. "Well at least I don't cling onto a fashion style that went out before it came in thirty years ago."

"You're wearing a sweater-vest that begs to differ, Jeeves."

He glanced down before scoffing at me indignantly. "Let's just go get Buffy before we kill each other, okay, Spike?"

"Yeah, fine."

Halfway through the hour-long drive, Giles spoke up. "May I ask why Angel didn't come with us?"

"Didn't want to upset the girl in public, yeah? I told him how important he is to Buffy, and he didn't want to show up not remembering her."

"Does he remember anything? Xander said it was complete memory loss."

"Bits and pieces are starting to come back," I said, changing lanes to follow the signs to Inverness Airport. "He only remembered me after _a lot_ of reminding."

"What kind of reminding? I mean, if we can figure out how to help his memories return…"

"The kind of reminding you told me never to tell you about, mate," I crooned, putting plenty of suggestion in my voice

"Oh," he said, suddenly looking hilariously uncomfortable. "Well that won't work for everything, will it?"

"Not really." I sighed, "But we were talking about Buffy being pregnant when he remembered Darla giving birth to Connor."

"Oh, so it's more of an association process?"

"If Angel associates me primarily with blood and sex – which I'm fairly certain he does – well then, yes. I'd say you're riding the right train of thought."

Giles made a displeased noise. "See, this is exactly the sort of thing I didn't want to hear about, Spike."

"I know," I said, smiling evilly in his direction, "but it's fun seeing you all flustered and red-faced."

"If you weren't so infernally important to Buffy, I swear…"

"What do you swear, Watcher?"

"I'm not exactly sure at this juncture, but believe me when I say it wouldn't be pleasant."

"I don't know, Giles. I find a lot of things pleasant. And since you don't want to know about any of that…I s'pose you'll never know what tortures are the ones I get off on." I chuckled to myself as Giles huffed angrily, crossing his arms and staring out the window at the gradually brightening day.

Since Buffy came in on a private jet, we waited for her in the hangar, where I could park the car and get out without frying to a crisp. Giles and I both kept quiet, occasionally sharing a malicious glare, while we waited for our girl to arrive. Eventually she showed up, stepping down a little stairway between the plane and the tarmac, a whole crew of slayers towing in her wake.

"Buffy!" I called, running up to the line where the hangar's shade ended and the direct sunlight started. She closed the distance quickly, throwing herself into my arms. "I missed you so much, Goldilocks," I whispered in her ear before I set her down.

"I missed you too, sweetie," she said, reaching up for a kiss, which I gladly gave her. "Where's Angel? Is he okay?"

"He's at home, luv, resting. Things are starting to come back to him, slowly."

"What does that mean?" she said, her voice low as Giles approached us.

"It means he sort of remembers me after we spent all day together. He doesn't know much about you, except for what I've told him."

She nodded her head, turning to meet her Watcher with a bright smile. "Hi, Giles."

"Don't you 'Hi, Giles' me, young lady!" The man snarled, voice low and fury in his eyes. If you didn't know him, and weren't a hundred and thirty-year-old vampire, he was probably fairly frightening with that look and that tone. I just found it funny. "What were you thinking, putting your child in danger like that?"

"I was thinking that I could run the tactics of the battle _from nearby_, without having to do any fighting myself!" Slayer and Watcher stared at each other for a moment, both struggling silently not to concede any ground. Eyes flashing, Buffy took one step forward, "And I made the difference, Giles. We would have lost slayers if I hadn't been there. Besides," her tone brightened, ignoring the death-stares from Glies, "Jerry says everything looks good. Baby's very healthy, thank you very much."

"Jerry is a Tru'nknar demon!"

"That doesn't mean he's not a good doctor," she pointed out.

"Argh!" Giles roared impotently, wringing his hands together in lieu of wringing Buffy's neck. "Fine, Buffy. Do whatever you want. Have Spike take you home. I'll drive everyone else in the company van." He pointed to the vehicle in the corner of the hangar before gathering up the slayers and heading over.

Buffy nodded and turned back to me, giving me the handle for her rolling suitcase, which I loaded up in the boot while she went to the right-hand door. "Buff," I reminded her. "Passenger door's the other side."

"Duh!" she said, slapping her forehead and walking around the car to the other side. "Stupid British cars being all backwards." Unconsciously, I smiled as I slammed the boot home, insanely glad to have my girl back in line of sight. And not traipsing all over the bloody fucking world with our baby in her belly...

I got into the driver's seat beside her, sitting down with a sigh and starting the engine, pulling away from the hangar.

"So, tell it to me straight, Spike. How bad is he?"

"It's fucking bad, pet. I won't lie to you about that. But things are filtering back in slowly." I left the airport, heading back home.

"You said he was mean to you?"

"He didn't remember loving me, got all defensive when I tried to kiss him." Weariy, I continued to tell her about my day talking and fucking Angel's memory back into him, sparing no detail.

"So he remembers loving you?" she asked when I concluded the tale.

"Yeah, pet. That's what he says. I left him sleeping in our bed when I came to get you. Poor bloke looked like he needed it."

"But he doesn't remember me?" she started getting a little teary.

"I'm sure he will, luv. Once he sees you. I told him about you, showed him your picture, let him know you're seven months pregnant, yeah?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, slipping away into her own thoughts as we sped back toward him.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! It's awesome hearing what everyone has to say about each chapter. With this one, I had a lot of fun writing Spike and Giles bickering together. Spike just loves to toy with embarrassing the Watcher, doesn't he? Props to Niori for her review mentioning Giles. It certainly made me re-think how I was writing him, and I think it made the chapter better! Please, more reviews... I am addicted to them! Only five more chapters to go, folks!_


	11. Breakdown

Chapter 11: Breakdown

When we got home, I carried Buffy's bags as we made our way up to the suite. I dropped them in the sitting room and went into the bedroom to wake Angel up. But when I got there, he was gone. My heart plummeted into my guts when I noticed his absence.

He was gone!

Had he just been waiting for me to leave before making his escape? Did he even remember me at all or was it all lies? Did he still love me?

But wait, after he remembered me, I'd smelled love on his skin and that's awfully difficult to fake. So where was he?

A sound from the bathroom answered that question. I barged in on him, ignoring the crack of wood as I forced the lock. "Angel? Liam?"

He was sitting in the tub, still in his clothes, holding his knees to his chest, and soaking wet in a pool of cold water. When he looked up at me, I saw his red-rimmed eyes and a few tears among the drops of water. I sank to my knees on the floor beside the tub, asking him, "Liam? What's wrong, luv?"

"I..." he started, pausing to look up at the doorway. I felt Buffy standing there, heard the pained murmur that escaped her lips upon seeing him.

"Angel, this is Buffy," I told him, searching his face for some explanation for his backslide into _this_.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, lowering his eyes, "I don't remember you."

"It's okay, pet," I reassured him. As I reached out to touch him, he flinched away from me. Fuck. And we had been making so much progress.

Hiding my disappointment, I said, "You'll get your Buffy memories back in time. But will you tell me why you've soaked yourself to the bone?"

"When," he cleared his throat. "When I woke up, and you were gone..."

"I went to go get Buffy."

He nodded, watching as she approached to kneel beside me. "I just started remembering all these awful things. Killing people, hurting them. Fighting demon after demon for endless amounts of time. I remembered all the suffering and death. I remember my little sister and how I killed her after she named me an angel. I tried to wash them away, but it didn't work… Is this Hell?"

"No, sweetie," Buffy cooed. "Though I understand the feeling. This world is painful and harsh and never how it should be. When I came back from Heaven, I thought this place was Hell, too."

He looked up at her, "You've been to Heaven?"

"Yeah," she said gently, nodding.

"What's it like?"

"Safety and warmth. Love and understanding. There's no need for hope because everything is already how it should be." I put my arm around Buffy's shoulders, petting her shoulder to comfort her.

"Now," she said. "Can we get you out of the tub and into some dry clothes?"

"But I don't understand!" he cried, staying put in the water. "How can you know about all these awful things I've done and still care about me? _Do_ you know about all the awful things? Have I been lying to you?"

"Oh, Angel. That wasn't you. Before you had your soul, you were a completely different person. You were called Angelus," Buffy explained. "And I'm fully aware of what he's done."

"Yeah, pet," I chimed in. "If you'll think back, I was there for a lot of those memories. Hell, you've even done some of those evil deeds to me. So, I know what you've done, Angel. I do."

"Please," said Buffy. "Please believe us when we say we love you despite all the things you've done."

"How could you? I'm evil and disgusting and I'm fairly certain you've no idea to what _depths_ of evil I'm truly capable."

"Maybe so," I said. "But we know that you're capable of amazing acts of heroism and self-sacrifice. We know you loved us both so much that you would rather die than to let either of us come to harm."

Buffy continued, "We know that you struggle with being a vampire every day and still manage to be the best man we've ever met. We know you're a loving father and a good protector. We know to what depths of_ love_ you're truly capable." She reached out to touch his face, grazing his cheek and jaw with her fingers.

I saw something break in his eyes just before he moved in the water, flinging his arms around both of us and squeezing tightly. "I don't remember deserving you two," he cried. "I really don't."

"Okay, Angel, okay," I said, getting just as soaked as he was. "Might wanna loosen up on the girl, though luv. So she can breathe..."

"Oh!" he pulled back. "Sorry."

She smiled. "It's okay. I really love Angel hugs." Buffy kissed him on the nose before using my shoulder to help get standing. "C'mon big guy," she said, holding a hand out to Angel. "Let's get you dried off, hmm?"

Angel took her hand and she helped him up as I grabbed a towel. "Woah," he said when he was on his feet, "you are strong!"

She went for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up before he could say, "Hey!" Buffy stopped, looking up at him in confusion. "Would it..." his gaze flicked to me. "Would it be okay if just Will helped me? At least until I'm dressed again?"

"Oh," she said, sounding hurt and disappointed. "Yeah, okay. I'll go find you some dry clothes." Buffy left the bathroom, giving us one last glance before closing the door behind her.

"I think I hurt her feelings," Angel said as I pulled off his shirt, wringing it out into the tub before pulling the drain stopper to let the tub empty of cool water.

"Buffy's tough. She'll get over it." I said, wrapping the towel around his hair and shoulders, rubbing carefully to dry him off without disturbing the stitches. Looking down, I cried out, "You wore your fucking shoes in the bath?!"

"Well I wasn't exactly in my right mind, now was I?"

"Ugh. Here, take my shoulder so you can kick them off in there," I ordered, stabilizing him with my hands around his ribs. "Stupid bloody fucking git," I muttered. "Wearing his shoes in the bath!"

"You do that a lot, don't you?" Angel asked.

"What? Swear? All the fucking time."

My heart swelled in hope when he smiled, "Insult me."

"Oh, yeah. That too. Keeps your head from getting any bigger." I looked down at his bottom half. "Ready for the pants now, luv?"

"Only if you're done insulting me."

"Believe me, Liam," I said with a smile. "I couldn't insult what you've got in your pants if I tried."

"Really?" he asked, letting me undo his belt, also ruined now. I nodded as I undid the clasp and the zipper, tugging the pants carefully so he was still in his boxers. Angel took my shoulder again as he stepped out of the pants, kicking them away.

"Would you like to do the last bit?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, "but could you turn around?"

I sighed, "Sure," turning in place so he could still keep hold of me for balance.

The wet fabric slapped against the now-empty tub and he said, "Oh," in a surprised sort of voice.

"What's a matter, luv? Don't have any memories with your pants off?"

"Not when I was looking down anyway," he said carefully.

"Pleasant surprise?"

"You could say that," he said, letting go of my shoulder and rustling the towel. "Okay," he stepped out onto the bathmat where I could see he'd wrapped the towel around his waist.

"Feeling a little better now that you're dry?"

He nodded. "The awful memories just keep coming back in chilling clarity. How did I ever live with this before?"

I grabbed a smaller towel and finished drying off his hair. "For a long time you didn't really. You just wandered around, existing. But these days, you try to do as much good as possible. Make as many good memories as possible, to drown out the nightmares."

"You've got a soul," he said, waiting for my nod before continuing. "Was it like this for you?"

"I was never quite as diabolical as Angelus, nor quite as removed from my humanity, I s'pose. But it does eat at me if I let it...All the lives I've taken, all the things I've done. Went crazy for a few months when I first had the bleedin' thing installed."

"But it's still difficult? All the time?"

"Ever so." I nodded and stepped back, saying, "I'll see what Buffy has picked out for you," before reluctantly leaving him as I slipped out into the bedroom.


	12. Being Home

Chapter 12: Being Home

"Is he okay?" Buffy asked when she saw me, her eyes ringed with tears she'd tried to conceal. She had changed into a fluffy robe, making me wonder if there was anything underneath. Thinking of the reason she must have changed, I looked down, noticing how damp my shirt was after Angel had hugged us.

"Getting there, princess," I said as I peeled out of my shirt. "It'll take awhile."

I heard her suck in a breath when she saw me, so I smiled back at her appreciation. "Maybe later," I told her as I found a dry shirt on the floor and yanked it on. "Did you pull out anything for him to wear?"

She nodded, pointing to a pile on the bed. "Right then, luv," I said, kissing her cheek before I grabbed up the clothes. "We'll be back out in a jiffy."

In the bathroom, Angel was sitting on the edge of the tub, resting his head in his hands. When he heard me close the door, he looked up. Again, there were tears staining his face. I knelt before him, sweeping the tears away with my fingers. "You're turnin' into quite the crybaby, aren'tcha luv?"

He laughed shortly, almost humorlessly. "At least until I remember how to deal with all this pain." Angel tilted up my face with a finger on my chin, kissing me lightly, his face and lips still damp with tears. "Is the girl upset?" he asked.

"She's just worried about you," I insisted. "Here. She picked you out some clothes." I handed him the underwear first, backing up and turning so he could put them on.

He stayed still for a few moments before he sniffed and I heard him stand, rustling the cloth. "Okay," he whispered. When he turned, he was standing there in his boxers, looking vulnerable and arousing in his almost nakedness. I gave him my seductive smile as I handed him the pants, soft loose dark jeans.

Angel shook his head as he took them from me, stepping into them one leg at a time. I watched the muscles of his abdomen and shoulders ripple over one another as he donned them, murmuring appreciatively. I stepped forward, pushing the dark green sweater over his head and arms, pulling it down over his chest. I let my hands linger there, slipping around his waist to his back to pull him into an embrace. Angel's arms enveloped my shoulders and he pressed his face against my hair, inhaling.

"Mmm," he whispered. "You smell like…the only word I can think of for it is 'home'."

"We're family," I explained. "You're my grandsire. Your blood gave me life after death, Liam. I belong to you."

"Grandsire?"

"You made Drucilla into a vampire, you sired her. Then she sired me."

"Where is this Drucilla?"

"Well, she doesn't have a soul, like we do. She's still evil and I haven't been keeping track of her for a few years, so she could be anywhere."

"Do I love all the vampires I've made?"

I laughed. "Hardly, mate. I'm the only one."

"But they would smell like home?"

"Somewhat. We've also been sharing a bed for over a year, so I smell a lot like you, which helps cement that feeling of belonging."

He inhaled again, relaxing in my arms. Finally Angel drew back. "Let's go talk to Buffy."

"Sure. If you want to keep hold of my hand," I said, giving it to him, "the contact helps keep you calm."

"Thank you," Angel squeezed my hand and let me lead him out into the bedroom, where Buffy was sitting on the bed, still wrapped in her robe.

Looking up, she smiled. "That's much better, sweetie." Buffy stood up, coming to stand before us. "How are you?" she asked softly.

"Crappy," he said with a slight smile. "Wondering why I can't remember you." He reached out toward her distended belly tentatively. "May I?"

Buffy nodded, taking his hand and placing it over her womb. He jumped a little and they shared a look, the girl smiling serenely. "Baby missed you, too," she said, rubbing the underside of her belly.

"Do we know whether it's a boy or a girl?"

"No, mate," I said. "We didn't want to know ahead of time."

"So it will be a surprise?"

"Yeah," Buffy said, clasping his hand carefully. "Maybe we can sit down? And I can tell you about us?"


	13. Remembering Buffy

_A/N: The previous chapter and this one were both so short, I decided to post them on the same day. I hope you like!_

* * *

Chapter 13: Remembering Buffy

"Maybe we can sit down? And I can tell you about us?"

"Okay," he said, letting her lead him out into the sitting room. Buffy sat on one end of the couch, sitting Angel in the middle, so he was half facing her. I sat behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist so he could lean back against me if he needed to.

"We met in Sunnydale, when I was fifteen," she started, telling him all about how they fell in love. He commented on some of the events she described, starting to remember them vaguely. Eventually she worked her way towards finding him and me in bed together.

"You walked in on us together?" Angel asked. "Both your vampire exes?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "It was pretty shocking; especially since neither of you told me you liked boys, too."

"To be fair," I hugged Angel's waist, "there aren't many men Angel would go for."

"Just pretty boys like you?"

I laughed. "Exactly, pet."

"So what happened next?" he asked.

"Spike asked me to join you two in bed. And I did."

"I remember now, you were between us," he said, his voice uncertain as he thought it over. "I was making love to you and Spike kept talking to me." He looked over his shoulder at me, "Why?"

"Because of what happened the first time you and Buffy had sex."

"You kept me from losing my soul?"

"Aye, that day and for the next six months."

Angel turned back to Buffy, pulling her closer. "I...Can I kiss you?"

The girl smiled and nodded, closing her eyes as his lips met hers. The kiss started out careful, but eventually I saw them work into a more passionate rhythm. When I saw a flash of tongue, I groaned at the sight, going half-hard and pressing myself tighter against Angel's back. The smell of Buffy's arousal had me fully erect in short order, trying not to thrust against Angel's ass even though it was right in front of me.

"Oh," he panted as he pulled back, earning a whimper from Buffy. "We've done a lot of that, haven't we?"

She nodded. "That's about all we did for two years."

"Because of my soul," he nodded. "What happened six months after the three of us…?" It took me a minute to realize he was talking to me.

"Buffy's witch friend, Willow, cemented your soul in your body. Now you can't lose it on accident."

"So I can do this?" he said, pulling Buffy into his lap and kissing her again. "And this?" She squealed as he nibbled on her ear before tracing light kisses down her neck. When he got to the base of her neck, he inhaled deeply and growled as he let out the air. It didn't strike me as dangerous until I heard his face shift. Quick as I could, I grabbed his chin and pulled up and back, snapping his mouth shut.

"Uh, uh, uh, luv. No biting the human." He let go of Buffy and she scooted back, out of his lap.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"Just think about calming down and you'll turn back," I said, loosening my hold on his chin. As he turned to face me, his demon's face slid away.

After giving me a remorseful and apologetic look, he turned back to the girl. "I'm sorry, Buffy. You just smelled so good…"

She laughed, just a little nervously. "That's me, regular old vampire bait."

Angel reached out to her carefully, tracing the scar on her neck. "I did that…" he breathed. "I remember almost killing you."

She shuddered and looked down sadly. "If it makes you feel any better, I made you do it."

"Why?"

"You were dying, Angel. Poisoned. You needed slayer blood in order to survive."

He nodded, backing into me further. "We've fought a lot, too. Haven't we? I remember hitting you. I remember you stabbed me," he looked down at his chest, touching it to make sure he was still whole. "But I remember loving you through all of it."

"I never stopped loving you either, Angel," she whispered, crawling back into his lap. "We don't ever have to fight again." They kissed, and this time Buffy caught one of my hands, squeezing it tightly. And then she got up, standing away from us. "Let's go into the other room," she said, taking both of Angel's hands and leading him as she walked backward into the bedroom. I followed closely, closing and locking the door behind me. You never know when someone will come barging in looking for us.


	14. Together at Last

_A/N: To my US readers: Happy Thanksgiving! To my other readers: Happy November 26th! To celebrate this awesome day, here's some smut for you! Final chapter hits tomorrow, so this will soon be the end of this little fic. Don't be too sad, though. I'm writing all the back story for this fic now, and it will be posted in once-a-day increments, starting with the Angel fic "A Different Hole in the World" and continuing with "Underneath the Grief". Have a great Turkey Day!_

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Chapter 14: Together at Last

Buffy unwrapped her robe, letting it fall from her shoulders while Angel and I watched. Salivating, I let my eyes wander over all her curves, highlighted as they were in the soft lamp light. Her breasts were swollen and almost heavy enough to rest on the bulge of her belly. She let her hair down from its ponytail, shaking it out over her shoulders and I groaned appreciatively.

"You're so beautiful," Angel sighed, approaching her, his hands gravitating toward her stomach. "And I did this?" he asked, caressing the underside of her belly.

Buffy nodded, smiling. "All your fault, bucko." They stood together, both leaning their heads down, watching Angel's hand trace a gentle path over and around her gravid womb before finding its way up to her swollen breast. When he cupped her tit, Buffy sucked in a gasp of pleasure and leaned up to kiss Angel, finding his mouth almost instinctively with her eyes closed.

"If you two would like some alone time," I said sadly. "I can get gone for a while."

"No," said Angel, looking up at me. "No, you're supposed to be here, Will. I want you here."

I approached them, slipping one arm around each of them. "You're remembering more and more aren't you, Peaches?"

"Yes," he said, letting his hand dip further down Buffy's abdomen to the space between her legs, making her gasp. "More and more." Angel directed Buffy to the bed, laying her down in the center of the mattress. "Can I lose myself in you?" he asked, his hands wandering around Buffy's body and then reaching out to draw me closer. "Can I make love to you both and try to forget about all these bad memories, all the evil things I've done? Can I touch you and taste you and remind myself how much I love you? Can I do these things?"

"Yes," breathed Buffy, writhing under his touch.

"Please," I added, reaching to lift his sweater away from his body. "Please, Liam, come back to us."

He chuckled, leaning in to kiss me. "Oh, I definitely plan on coming."

Buffy giggled and started undoing Angel's pants while he took my shirt and then my pants. Soon we were all naked on the bed, kissing and touching, cuddling and groping. Angel reached to kiss and nibble at Buffy's nipples while she stroked my prick with her little hand. So different from Angel's grip, but just as good, teasing moans from my throat as I let my head fall back in pleasure.

I heard Angel say, "Oh, god, Buffy. I want you so much."

"How do you want me, darling?" she whispered back before planting a few wet kisses on my chest.

"I don't know," he complained. "What about the baby?"

"Baby's fine, sweetie. It likes it when I'm feeling good."

"But I don't want to, like, poke it in the eye or something."

I made a noise somewhere between frustration and a laugh. "Just get up onto all fours, Buffy," I said, helping her. "If you fuck her from behind, pet," I told Angel, "you won't be able to go as deeply. You won't have to worry about banging into the little tyke."

"Oh," he said, staring at the line of Buffy's back, the curve of her round bottom as she pointed it at him. "Okay, I can work with this."

"Do it," Buffy said, getting impatient and spreading her legs further apart so Angel could kneel between them. He put one steadying hand at the small of her back and used the other to hold his cock at the right angle as he entered her. They made simultaneous groans of pleasure. "Oh, god, Angel. That's perfect."

After a few thrusts, Buffy reached for me. "C'mere, Will," she whispered. "I need to suck on you."

"Hey, don't have to ask me twice, luv," I panted, kneeling in front of her. She supported herself on one arm as she grabbed my ass, pulling me closer and sucking my cock into her mouth. "Bloody hell, Slayer," I moaned, tilting my hips back before letting her suck me in again. Eventually she let her hand drop away so I could fuck her mouth at my own pace and she could keep holding herself up.

I looked up at Angel, who was watching us, his hands on either of Buffy's hips, his hips curiously still. "Enjoyin' the show, mate?" I asked, chuckling as he snapped to attention.

"So much, precious," he smiled, thrusting into Buffy again. She groaned against my flesh, sending a pleasured shiver up my body until it escaped through my mouth in an answering moan. I laced the fingers of one hand into her hair, keeping my hold on her head light enough that she could pull back if she wanted to.

"Oh, sweetling. Please, Ange, do it to her again. Fuck her harder."

"Mm-mm," the girl said in agreement, mouth still full of me.

Angel gritted his teeth and grabbed on to Buffy's hips, pulling her back onto his cock over and over again. As he moved her, I barely had to rock my hips at all, just letting Angel do most of the work. Buffy's breath through her nose grew faster and faster and I could hear her heartbeat thumping in overtime. She made mewling little noises as she sucked at me, using her tongue to tickle and tease different places as she was thrust onto me again and again.

"She needs you to touch her, Angel," I panted, trying to hold myself back as long as I could. "Bring her over the edge, luv." He nodded at me, letting one hand reach under her belly to find her clit. I could tell when he found her pleasure, because Buffy started screaming and sucking like crazy.

"Holy fucking shit," I managed to breathe, placing my free hand on Angel's shoulder, to keep us both from collapsing into her. "Oh, Buffy. That's so fantastic, luv. You're bringing me with…Agh!" I roared as she pulled the orgasm from me, swallowing as much as she could before letting me go so she could scream under Angel's thrusting. I scooted down to lay limply just under her so I could watch her face as he fucked her.

"Angel, Angel, Angel," she screamed as he rocked into her, still fingering her clit. "Agh!" she screamed one final time, losing her balance and falling down against my chest. I grabbed her hands so she could cling to me as she came, digging her teeth into my shoulder and screaming. Slung between me and Angel, her belly was just barely brushing the mattress and I helped hold her at that angle as Angel grabbed onto her hips again, losing himself to the pleasure of her body.

As I watched him, his face changed and he growled in frustration, probably because he couldn't bite Buffy. Sometimes he needs that little extra blood pleasure to get off, and it was a look I recognized in him easily. I reached up, offering him my wrist, which he bent toward and bit into savagely, roaring in between swallows as he emptied himself into Buffy, seating himself fully with one final thrust. Eventually he let go of my arm and dragged back from Buffy, releasing his tight grip on her.

She sighed happily and turned so she could lay on her side between my chest and arm, her belly and one leg resting over my hips and thighs, one hand on my chest. Holding Buffy close, I kissed her hair before turning my head away so I could lick the wound Angel had made on my free wrist. He collapsed on that side of me, watching my tongue as I closed his bite marks, drinking back in some of my own blood.

Buffy reached out to him over me, tracing the lines of his face, wiping a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth. "Oh, fuck," he said, looking at me. "I'm not going to go crazy again, am I?"

I chuckled. "I don't think so, mate. It looked like you burned up most of that feeding when you came."

He sighed in relief, resting his forehead against mine and using his free hand to caress up and down Buffy's side. She murmured in appreciation and snuggled into me, already almost asleep. Her breathing slowed to a steady pace, her heart a leisurely tempo beating against my chest, almost like it was my own.


	15. Love's Bitch

Chapter 15: Love's Bitch

Angel's hand found its way down to Buffy's belly yet again, as if he needed to touch the baby to make sure it was real. "I can hear its heartbeat," he whispered. "So quick." He sighed sadly, looking back at me, his brown eyes just inches from my blue ones. "I don't remember my heartbeat. I remember being human, being Liam, but I don't remember what it felt like to have a beating heart."

"I'm a bit removed from the experience m'self. But I remember it being nice, most of the time. Reassuring."

"I'm glad our baby has a heartbeat. Does it have a soul?"

"Aye, that it does," I replied. "If you listen really hard you can almost hear it or feel it somehow. It's a shiny burning sort of flavor."

He furrowed his brow in concentration. "It's separate from Buffy's soul, isn't it? I look at it, hearing it turning and moving under the surface and I taste green…"

I chuckled, "Sure, pet. That's as good a description as any."

"Buffy tastes more…blue or purple, and you're bright red. I shouldn't be able to taste colors, should I?"

"You're reading our auras, Angel. And with us vamps, it's always about taste and smell."

"How do I taste?"

"Like a savory-spicy curry with chocolate pudding for dessert, all wrapped in a sheet of golden foil."

"Oh. Okay…"

"Yellow," I clarified. "You taste yellow, for the most part."

He snorted a little laugh. "Only you could expand 'yellow' into such a long-winded description. About food."

"Thanks, Ange," I kissed him shortly. "I love you, too."

"All this talk about food," mumbled Buffy, "is making me hungry."

"Pet," I said, "you're always hungry these days."

"Shut up! You make me sound like a cow."

"You're not a cow, Goldilocks. You're a goddess."

Buffy looked up at me with a sly smile, "Yeah? Well this goddess demands pancakes."

I laughed. "What a unique sacrifice my goddess requires…" I crawled out from between the two of them, smiling as they snuggled together. I covered them both with a blanket as I got dressed before slipping from the bedroom quietly.

Angel remembered us – if not every detail, at least the big picture. He remembered sharing his bed with both of us. He remembered being in love with both of us. I prayed that in time, we would return to being those people in the photo on the bedroom wall. Well, plus one little nipper, anyways. When had I ever prayed before for my life to be so complicated? Never. Never before. I'm definitely Love's Bitch.

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_A/N: The end! Please review and let me know how you liked this story. I came up with the idea and wrote it fairly quickly, so please tell me if there were any places where you could have used more. More description, more dialogue...suggest away. And, if you just want to complement me, I'm cool with that too! Make sure to check out my other fics. If you like this one, I promise you'll enjoy my Spike/Angel series, which starts out in the Angel section with "A Different Hole in the World". Thanks again for reading!_


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